escape, hiding, etc

hello...i'm back....again....kinda busy lately. there are so much pressure now days in my life. Yeah, can't aspect people to understand me. Less expectation, less getting frustrated. Yeah, I didn't know what to say. It seems pointless to speak up because it will lead to a fight which in the end I feel bad about it. 

Watching The Kardashian last weekend make me think and feel that family always come first. Kim have lost her father almost 8 years but she still feel it until now. This happen when she tried to find an outfit for his step  father to walk her to the Aisle. This totally remind me of my late father. I feel alone and have to be independent because I've have lost someone that take care of me since i was a child. Yeah, my expectation was always beyond that to find someone that can take care of me till my last breath.

I can't describe how to lost of a father. I was frustrated when people don't understand the situation. Sometimes I wanted to scream out loud to release my tense. Lil bit sad when you expecting someone who were very close to you to understand it. I really need someone to talk to besides than my sisters.

My best friend, Affni was my inspiration to become more tougher day by day. To my beloved fiance, Ash, i hope you can take care of me in the future and bright up my life. I've try to explain to you but I'm afraid you don't understand it. Someone who can stand by me, cherish me all of his life. Emmm maybe just my dream I guess.

Thanks for reading this. Salam.ZaRA.